Un-Expected

This little event in our lives is coming to an end. I was having way too much pain for things to be normal. My doctor decided to do some exploratory surgery after seeing nothing on 3 different ultrasound attempts. I was scared.

It turned out that I did have an ectopic pregnancy and a lot of internal bleeding. I lost one of my tubes. They tell me that I can still make babies. And now I know I have a little one I can look forward to meeting in the eternities. And I get a free pass on potty training.

I feel a million times better than I have been feeling for the last week. Although I was very excited to welcome a new baby into our lives I am also very relieved that the pain is gone and I am at peace. I'm so grateful for the sweet doctor who took such good care of me. Recovering from this surgery already seems so much easier than dealing with the pain I was in just this morning. It is already easier to walk.

Today has been an exceptionally busy baby day at this hospital and all of the rooms are being used. I'm sort of stuck in a corner in an ultrasound room. It isn't ideal, but it's not that bad either.

Thank you to all of you for your love and prayers. I look forward to getting back up and at it very soon.

Love to all,
Stine

Independence

PART ONE: This little critter has decided that he doesn't really need our help anymore. Except to get him logged onto the right website. He doesn't feel that he needs anyone to get him food anymore. He can take care of that. He doesn't need anyone to buckle him up. He's got it covered. He's way past two and a half now and well on his way to independence. This independence is a lot messier than dependence was. There are a lot of spills, but I still love to watch him showing how grown up he is.

"Me do it mine self mommy."


PART TWO: I visit taught an older lady in our ward for the first time today. She is adorable. I wish I could have spent all day with her and heard stories of every detail of her life. She is happy and independent and very much her own person. She doesn't like to be told what to do. Man, we don't ever grow out of that do we?


PART THREE: Just as we were finishing up for our short visit with this sister I began to feel strange. It was the same kind of feeling that sent me to the ER on Sunday night. Recognizing this might turn into that kind of pain again I sent Jeff an e-mail asking for help. I knew that he would probably have to stay at work, but I also know that I can't be a mommy in that kind of pain. He found someone to help me. I'm so grateful to Kim, my sister-in-law for coming to my rescue and loving on my crazy, adorable boys. She talked with me and made me laugh and sent me to bed with my medication. She took the boys home with her and Jeff is picking them up from there now. I am missing them like crazy, yet so grateful I was able to sleep through the worst of the pain and get some good rest. I want to be independent. I don't want to ask for help. I want to be a pillar of strength. "Me do it mine self." I have had to ask for a lot of help this week and I'm so worried that it will continue. For heavens sake I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. So much drama already. I don't want to be high maintenance or a burden to anyone. I suppose it is pride and I'm supposed to learn humility from it all. Apparently reading about humility and being able to define it isn't enough. Compelled to be humble. Still yearning to be independent.

Good News

I got a call from my doctor this morning and she said that my numbers had more than doubled - a great sign that the pregnancy is progressing. She wants to continue to monitor me very closely. I will have more bloodwork done on Friday and another ultrasound next week.

Unfortunately I am also feeling some pain from the cyst again, but it helps so much to know why. I also have pain medication that I can take now.

Semetery

A conversation with my little neighbor girl:

Mrs. Poyner, Lincoln said that you go to seminary!

That's true. I teach a class every morning called seminary.

Oh, that must be different than what I was thinking of.

What kind of seminary to you know about?

The one where you have to D... I... E... to go there.

Ah, cemeTery.

lol

Baby Update

I went and had another ultrasound this morning and met with my own doctor for the first time. What we had feared was an ectopic pregnancy, now appears to be just a cyst... which is actually very normal for the stage I'm in. They couldn't find a pregnancy in the ultrasound, but that is normal because it so so early. My blood tests are showing a rise in HcG levels, but not enough rise to feel out of the clear yet. My doctor suspects that it is a "chemical pregnancy" - meaning that my body thinks it is pregnant, but there is no baby. I will go in for more blood tests, probably about every 48 hours until we can tell anything for sure. I remember having low levels with my previous pregnancies, so it may be nothing to worry about. We just have to be patient and we'll know more with time. Thanks to everyone for all of your concerns and prayers.

I am feeling much better - and especially more at ease.