All Squeals

I spoke too soon the other day about the first tooth. Make that two! He has been such a happy baby ever since those popped through. Today he figured out how to make these crazy high pitched squeals of delight. They entertain him enough that he just keeps doing it - even alone in his bed. SQUEAL!

(I promise I don't have him on a pink mat at home - he is at cousin Emery's house in this shot)

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Today Lincoln had his ct scan I mentioned a few weeks ago. He was very brave, though I could tell he was nervous. The technician was very nice, but all business, so I was trying extra hard to comfort and explain everything to him. He had to have the contrast dye injected through an IV, so I was trying to explain it. He couldn't understand why they would put ivy on his arm. He was nervous about getting poison ivy from it! He had to lay still for such a long time and I had to be in the other room. I was so fidgety just wanting to be there with him and hold his hand. I finally asked the guy if they had a microphone to talk to him like they do on TV. He said they did and I made him say, "you're doing a great job." He wasn't talking to him at all... I just wanted to grab the button and console and love on my boy the whole time. He seemed so far away on the other side of that glass!
We don't know any results yet, I will keep everyone updated.

Look Mom!

Jackson: Look Mom! Doesn't Harrison look cute in the new bike trailer?

Growing into Motherhood

When I was anticipating Lincoln's arrival I was thrilled to become a mother. I was excited and nervous as I'm sure every woman is. I was also very conflicted because I wanted the best of both worlds. I LOVED my job and my career was moving forward quite nicely. I had frequent praise and enjoyed doing most everything I did at work.

I had always dreamed of motherhood as every little girl does and tried to imagine what it would be like. I certainly would never have children who did THIS or THAT! Whew, surely not. I wanted to be everything my own mother was (and still is) and have the kind of relationship that we have. I still didn't want to give up my job.

I wrote a proposal. I spent a good, long time working out all of the details and making it cutesy and professional at the same time. It involved stretching out my maternity leave so that I could do and be both a mom and a graphic designer. I don't think they even read it. It was immediately dismissed with "we don't do that." It was a huge blessing to have them make the decision for me because I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye to an outside job on my own.

Now that I have been home for six and half (we're counting halves now - this is new) years, I am drawn into motherhood so much more than I thought possible. I still have desires to create. I still have projects growing in my brain all of the time, but I am learning to say no so that I can be a mom. A mom who plays with the kids instead of finding something for them to do so that I can do a project. There are enough things to do which take my time away from them right now. They need me and I need to enjoy all of the little things with them.

Occasionally I find myself coveting a man's position - the necessity for his career, and the opportunity to grow in it and not require a big long break. I can't possibly keep up with the quickly growing and changing world, the software, the styles... I'm busy bottling up the moments I share with my three growing boys and working at teaching and loving them the way my mother did for me (and still does). I wouldn't trade it for any title or opportunity. Not right now. It is easier now for me to say no to the things that can be done by someone else. For now I am needed by a baby with his first tooth (six months today!), a four year old who wants to build a tree house in a crepe myrtle out of tape and sticks, and a six year old who is calculating how old his parents were when he was born.

Salute to the Fathers in My Life

They are love, they are time, they are the dad's that make a huge impact on the lives of me and my boys. I love you all.